NYC continues to lead the world in irritation innovation. If I ruled NYC:
- Agile fakers who use a cane for show, then shoot through doors ahead of you, would have their cane pulled out from under them until they really need one.
- People who drag around a suitcase on wheels, hogging sidewalk space and blocking escalators, would have to pay an "axle fee," which could be used to widen sidewalks and escalators.
- People who rush in front of you to get on an escalator, then stop and block your way, would get their shoe laces caught in the teeth at the landing, fall on their face, and be turned into a welcome mat.
- People who let their dog do its "business" on subway grates, making the platform below reek, would be sedated and dressed in a St. Bernard costume, then sent to the pound.
- Since historic neighborhood names only serve to sell luxury condos at this point, I would rename neighborhoods after the wi-fi ID of the local Starbucks, and edit Wikipedia to claim, e.g., that "the LES" was named for Les Grille, the inventor of the Belgian Waffle Truck.
- I would still allow people to exit unattended gates at subway stations and trigger the alarms, but ...
... since who, outside of sociopaths like congressman Darrel Issa, the self-proclaimed inventor of the car alarm, still thinks that subjecting the public to pointless shrieking is a substitute for good design? If your car alarm goes off, it should call your cell phone, not wake up the whole block just for spite, and if the MTA wants to control the gates it should find a solution instead of adding yet more fraudulent "emergency" noise to the city ...
... I would put the business end of the alarms inside MTA headquarters.
