An ugly condo just went up dead-center in the one patch of sky I could see out my window, with a penthouse patio where residents can lounge and booze it up while they watch me like buzzards.
So I bought some middle-finger and "tavern angel" candles (right & below) for the window, and a dozen of the creepy Little Joseph candles above (by Maxim Velcovsky), to ring the room like heads on stakes in "Heart of Darkness."I'll light the candles at dusk, then sit inside the flickering ring in my favorite pair of ventilated underwear, with a three foot submarine sandwich draped across my bulging oiled belly, flanked by huge beer steins placed on the heads of the pair of life-sized plaster hyenas that flank my living room lawn chair.
I will sit there every evening, munching my sandwich and drinking beer while I watch TV, looking like the bloated and deranged lovechild of Marlon Brando, Colonel Kurtz, and Homer Simpson.The bastards poisoned my view, so I'm going to do the same to theirs -- they'll be disgusted to look at me, but they won't be able to look away!
It will be like their eyeballs fell out of their heads and down a well, and now bob on the surface of the water staring straight up, with nothing to look at but me and my hyenas enjoying ourselves in the festive ring of fire -- eating, drinking, and laughing our heads off all night long!!
